she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
