last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I believe in your delicious
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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