well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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