My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
