the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
