well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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