The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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