Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we should paint friendship bongs
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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