i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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