Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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