I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize