oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Randomize
