Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
