She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
