i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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