There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
