i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
And then he peed in my hair
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