just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
