Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
