i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
