I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
