if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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