im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Randomize
