Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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