Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
