very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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