I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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