worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
