i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
