You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
