i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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