yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
