Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
