You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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