Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
you never un-have a 4some
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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