i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
