she looked like the before picture.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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