Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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