Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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