I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
