i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
