Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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