just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
