The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
