There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
