Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
