Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
