its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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