now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
