Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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