That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
