Sry I called you an 8
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
