I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize