wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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