i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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