and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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