not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize