if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
