I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
