Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Randomize
