were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
