i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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