i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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