I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bring me that man meat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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