I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
