Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
