Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
