you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
