Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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