I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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