his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Randomize
